Apply today for a grant to tackle air pollution in Tower Hamlets! Yes – seriously.

Only in Tower Hamlets could the same Labour council that is approving the traffic chaos and pollution caused by the Phoenix Wharf development simultaneously run a competition with £10k prizes totalling £200k up for grabs for ways to er, reduce air pollution emissions.

Honest. We don’t need to make this stuff up. They even have a nice poster.

Our Environmental Competitions Investigators (Central Wapping Branch, Empty Rhetoric Team) met with a very jolly person from the Council recently outside a local school to find out more…

“Hello Wapping people and little warm and fuzzy cuddly children! How are you today? Have you got an idea about how to reduce air pollution emissions, reduce exposure to pollution or increase awareness of air pollution?

You do? Well that’s super because residents, community groups, housing associations and schools have until the end of July to apply for up to £10k for a project! Super!

Did you know that Mayor John Biggs says that “It is shocking that there is an air quality lottery in London. I would urge residents to find out what they can do locally to protect children from the dangers of air pollution, and to think about projects that could benefit their neighbourhoods through this funding.”

What fun! It really is very shocking indeed! So residents and small lovely children, do you have an idea for Wapping?

What’s that you say? What development? Where? In Wapping High Street? Where’s that?

Traffic jams? Car and lorry engines idling? Why that sounds ever so naughty indeed! So tell us your plan little child to stop this terrible pollution and maybe win £10,000!

Where is this? In the middle of Wapping? On a narrow cobbled street? The narrowest street in Wapping? Outside which wharf?

Nah. Fuck off you can’t enter.

Next small child please!

Councillor Rachel Blake, Cabinet Member for Air Quality added: “We are committed to doing all we can to improve air quality in Tower Hamlets apart from the really obvious stuff like the shambolic situation we have created in Wapping because, well, we aren’t very bright really.

“Air pollution that exceeds recommended levels negatively impacts on our residents’ health and our environment. Take the new development that is just about to get planning permission in Wapping. This is exactly the sort of scheme we need to stop. Unless we don’t.”

“This funding is a great opportunity for residents to get involved in developing projects that can make a real difference to their local community. Some say councillors should do this as that is what they are elected (and paid) to do but that sounds far too sensible for us!”

LW encourages as many Wapping residents groups, schools and businesses to apply.

And remember folks #breathclean !

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