Advice for Tower Hamlets First councillors going to prison in 2018

At this time of year it is customary to look back on the year past and forward to the year to come.

Which is almost as much a waste of time as making New Year resolutions.

In terms of politics the last days of 2017 reflected what had been going on the rest of the year and what would continue to happen in 2018.

Lutfur Rahman still campaigning

It seems the ex-mayor ex-solicitor person known as Lutfur Rahman has resolved to keep campaigning for himself,  er… for his proxy mayoral candidate Cllr. Ohid Ahmed um for his chums as this photo taken on 17th December shows.

Lutfur Rahman and team out campaigning in December 2017.

It is a reasonable assumption to consider that those who go canvassing with an ex-mayor and ex-solicitor found guilty of corruption and electoral malfeasance in a civil court may have a slightly different view of the law of the land than most residents.

But then as the indefatigable Cllr. Peter Golds said recently “his actions in power were seen to resemble a gang boss rather than a civic leader in the world’s greatest city.” 

Special visits from a special person

Those special people on Lutfur’s special people list would have been graced with a personal visit from the ex-mayor and ex-solicitor.

“While out campaigning Lutfur was still puzzled why his name was not bigger on the leaflets – it was his campaign after all!” (Apologies to Cllr. Ohid Ahmed)

Can’t criticise him for lack of enthusiasm!

As the first few months of 2018 are likely to be a little lively the entire LW editorial team decided to ignore their own advice and got together for a staff meeting to look forward to the New Year.

Concern for members of the Tower Hamlets community is always at the top of LW’s agenda and with this in mind we asked the Wapping Mole to tell us who he was most concerned about in 2018?

Tower Hamlets First councillors was his reply.

Errr… what?

Moley clarified that he had misheard ‘concerned about’ as ‘interested in helping them get convicted for laying waste to our borough and lining their own pockets at the expense of those most in need in our borough’ and 2018 as ‘wiping the silly grins off the faces of their clueless supporters as they realise that their alternative source of income just got knicked by the old bill’.

So that’s all clear then.

Just desserts

Moley is all heart really and, while digging away at the criminal activity and electoral wrongdoing that is still subverting our democracy, he has found some handy hints for those councillors who will be getting their just desserts in 2018.

No treats for anyone though. (Editors note: ‘Treats’ is the term used for bribes given to those who have supplied block votes or other services during a Tower Hamlets election campaign.) 

What should ex-councillors take to prison?

Apparently the basic essentials that a person looking at a custodial sentence should take with them to court are toiletries, pens and pencils, underwear (seven or eight sets), books, stamps, writing paper, envelopes, radio alarm clock, comfortable shoes and £100 cash. Source: First Time in Prison What You Should Take

Moley is not sure what the £100 cash is for but this advice would seem to reinforce the fact that the council’s grant funds is not as accessible as it once was, especially for convicted criminals.


Leave the Landy at home

Parking spaces are also quite hard to come by in prison so ex-councillors might want to leave their Land Rover at home. Apparently the prison service takes care of getting criminals from the court to prison.

Prison are extremely unpleasant places. Really unpleasant. The Wapping Mole says that he would not wish a custodial prison sentence on his worst enemy – but will make an exception for 2018.

Generous to a fault.

Sources tell us that it is unlikely that Tower Hamlets First councillors who are nicked, tried, convicted and jailed will need to be housed in a high security prison.

For those unfamiliar with the prison system here is a handy guide to prison security categories.

Prison security categories for ex-councillors

  1. Category A. This is where prison staff think you will harm someone outside prison and/or you might try to escape so everything possible will be done to stop you escaping.
  2. Category B. This is where prison staff think you should have no chance of escaping.
  3. Category C. This is where prison staff think you will not escape, but that you cannot be trusted in an open prison.
  4. Category D. This is where prison staff think they can trust you to be in an open prison. Source: Prison life – Prison Reform Trust (PDF)

LW and Moley think that XXXXXX, XXXXXXX, XXXXXXX and of course XXXXX and XXXXXX while not forgetting XXXXXXXXX will soon find themselves in a Category C prison.

A present for corrupt gits

So as the New Year approaches and we look forward to the fruits of the Operation Lynemouth detectives being revealed at some point we would like to wish both our readers the usual peace this and prosperous the other.

But we can’t be bothered.

Instead we would like to present the corrupt gits who have caused so much damage to our borough with the worst news of all.

The Wapping Mole has a new weapon. Here is a photo.

Yep. A new keyboard. Well, refurbished. But the keys are STell on thi somE eder.

Just kidding!

Best we get typing.