Residents were in a state of shock this morning after a rubbish bin moved across Wapping Lane overnight.
“I came out of Cinnamon Coffee Shop this morning with my usual flat white,” said one distressed resident interviewed by Love Wapping. “As a responsible member of society I turned right out of Cinnamon to deposit my empty brown sugar packets and wooden stirrer in the bin. But it wasn’t there!”
“It’s part of the family”
Drivers from Elite Cabs looked at the empty pavement where the bin had been in disbelief.
“The bin has been here for years, it’s part of the family,” said one driver who did not wish to be named.
After several hours investigation it was discovered that the bin had moved across Wapping Lane to Brewhouse Lane by Pizza Express. But how?
The only sensible explanation was that the bin had walked across the road overnight. But why?
Our staff photographer took these exclusive photographs of the scene. Warning: Contains images some may find distressing.
Local election candidates react
As the local elections are in full swing the Love Wapping Political Staff asked candidates from the different parties for their reaction. What do they think had happened?
“Someone moved the bin,” said the Conservative party candidate.
“Someone moved the bin,” said the Labour party candidate.
“Someone moved the bin,” said the UKIP party candidate.
“Yet again the success of one of our bins has been attacked simply because of it’s colour. Of the two people we surveyed over 110% said that they support bins in the borough of Tower Hamlets and often cry with delight when they throw something away. This latest attack on a defenceless bin is to be condemned as yet another example of the lengths everyone else who doesn’t support our lovely Mayor will go to just to score a few political points. The movement of the bin from one side of the road to the other side of the road – with no outside interference whatsoever – is just scaremongering by racists who picked on this bin because of it’s colour. And it’s success. This bin accepts all types of rubbish from every sector of the community and the way in which it all sort of melts and sticks together on a hot day is an outstanding example of community cohesion. When our wonderful cuddly yet eminently approachable Mayor
drives shows distinguished visitors around Tower Hamlets he often points to the stinky mess in the bottom of rubbish bins as an example of what he and his supporters have done for the borough,” said the Tower Hamlets First party candidate. [Editors note: DCLG auditors believe the bin is paid £50,000 a year as an environmental advisor to the Mayor.]
Stunned and confused by this latest scandal to hit the borough we enlisted the Wapping Mole to get to the bottom of the bin mystery.
Wapping Mole solves bin puzzle
“As a mole I often find myself digging up all sorts of things that other people would not touch. Many cases I deal with are complicated but this is, in my professional experience, unparalleled in it’s complexity,” said Moley. “After a lengthy forensic analysis of the scene and several coffees (and a nice scone) in Cinnamon I found two eye witnesses who explained what happened to the bin. Here are their statements but I dare not name them for fear of reprisals.”
Witness A Statement
“The bin man moved it. He is always complaining that the bin is full and so he moved it to the other side of the road where nobody will put anything in it.”
Witness B Statement
“Yeah, the bin man moved it. The bin’s normal location is ideal as people from Cinnamon, Wapping Wine, Elite Cars and the White Swan and Cuckoo put rubbish in it instead of littering the street. This means the bin gets full and then needs emptying most days. I have tried to point out to him the drawbacks to moving the bin across the road where it will remain empty but he wasn’t having it.”
Updates on this amazing story as it evolves during the day…