Wapping Squirrel alarmed as London’s first Vegan Pet Shop set to open in Wapping Lane

It might have been ‘Super Saturday’ in Westminster yesterday but today is ‘Squirrel Sunday’ as Wapping Squirrel calls local squirrel leaders back from their rest day to attend an emergency Nut Cabinet Meeting later today (reports our Special Squirrel Correspondent Vickie Flores).

News broke in Wapping yesterday that Anoushka’s Vegan Pet Shop plans to open before Christmas at the old William Hill bookies in Wapping Lane, selling vegan pets including lizards, terrapins, non-venomous snakes after a poster mysteriously appeared on the door.

“Opening Soon: Anoushka’s Vegan Pet Shop” poster that has appeared on the door in Wapping Lane

London’s first Vegan Pet Shop …in Wapping?

“This is a surprise!” tweeted @cinnamon_shop as they announced the news to Wapping on discovery of the poster yesterday.

“I’ve got more use for William Hill than a vegan pet shop” tweeted @News_Views, who went on to warn Wapping Squirrel that he was at risk of being eaten for dinner:

“Worried for @wappingsquirrel – what happens when those reptiles get desperate for red meat?”

“They pop across the road to Hussey’s! (butcher)” tweeted @sandswyke helpfully.

 

Wapping Vegan Pet Shop
The former William Hill betting shop (centre) in Wapping Lane where the poster appeared yesterday

 

Squirrels to form defence strategy against being eaten by hungry snakes

Used to being chased by local dogs every day, the squirrels (usually) have the last laugh because of their expert tree climbing and jumping skills.

But snakes pose a new and unique challenge to the squirrels because of their ability to climb trees and invade nests.

 

Wapping Squirrel is extremely worried and has called an emergency nut cabinet meeting
Wapping Squirrel is extremely worried and has called an emergency nut cabinet meeting

Emergency nut cabinet meeting to be held

Wapping Squirrel has told us that he is taking the matter extremely seriously and plans to hold an emergency nut cabinet meeting in Wapping Rose Gardens to form a new squirrel defence strategy to protect the squirrels from being eaten by hungry snakes.

If snakes should appear before Christmas, Wapping Squirrel has negotiated emergency accommodation in Limehouse using the International Convention on Squirrel Rights.

Vegan snakes?

Normally, a new shop or eatery is welcomed by residents, but it didn’t take long for people to question whether there is such a thing as a vegan or even vegetarian snake. Snakes are “obligate carnivores,” which means that they survive strictly on meat.

“In tropical countries, we share our homes with lizards and we have no say in this matter. And house lizards eat bugs and small insects. I have never seen them eat “pulses” or “vegetables” tweeted @ManiPillai1886.

But according to Anoushka, her vegan pets have all been reared exclusively on three foods: vegetables, pulses and grains.

Who is Anushka or is this an Extinction Rebellion spoof?

Locally, no one seems to have heard of Anoushka and we have no idea if the picture of a woman on the poster is Anoushka (if she exists) or someone else.

Wapping Squirrel just might not need to worry though, as keen eyed @btomkins tweeted last night that he spotted an extinction rebellion logo in the ‘O’ of Anoushka’s signature – which we’ve noticed is also spelt differently to the typed version:

The handwritten ‘Anouska’ signature on the poster appears to show the Extinction Rebellion logo within the letter ‘O’

 

Extinction Rebellion logo

No joke for Wapping Squirrel

To try and put Wapping Squirrel’s mind at rest, we spoke to staff in the Best One shop, opposite the unit in Wapping Lane this morning to see if they knew more, but it was the first they’d heard of it and their immediate response was “…someone’s having a laugh, it’s gotta be a joke!”.

Wapping Squirrel was unavailable for comment this morning as he was high in the treetops avoiding dogs from Wapping Dog Club but would love to hear from anyone who knows more about London’s first vegan pet shop opening in Wapping ahead of his emergency nut cabinet meeting this afternoon.

Wapping Squirrel can be found in Nest 2, Wapping Rose Gardens or on Twitter @WappingSquirrel and will read comments posted here if he’s not too busy eating nuts.

Wapping Vegan Pet Shop
Anoushka’s Vegan Pet Shop claims to be opening in Wapping

Did you see who put the poster in the window or have any idea who Anoushka is? If so please contact @WappingSquirrel or send a message via nut mail.

Wapping Mole investigates

Hmm… Moley here! Moles dislike snakes as much as the Wapping Squirrel does so we did some digging and found this! 

Remind you of anyone Wapping Squirrel?

 

Editors note: We have no idea how anyone could live in a fag in Russia or any other country. 

Poster is on the outside of the shop window.

It’s a spoof folks! The poster is on the outside of the shop window.


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One thought on “Wapping Squirrel alarmed as London’s first Vegan Pet Shop set to open in Wapping Lane

  1. > We have no idea how anyone could live in a fag
    “??????? ???. ???? ?? ?????? ? ?????????” -> “RUSSIAN WORLD. If you live in a fag” is incorrect translation.
    The correct translation would something like “RUSSIAN WORLD. If you live in F*ckingrussia”

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