Wapping saved from destruction by unexploded Christmas bauble on the beach

Wapping residents have started to breath again after a large unexploded bomb discovered on the Thames foreshore today was identified as being a large Christmas bauble.

“Our highly trained officers are skilled at all sorts of dangerous tasks but baubles are one of the most difficult tasks we deal with,” said a police officer who has nothing to do with the Marine Police Unit (MPU) on Wapping High Street whatsoever speaking on condition of anonymity Cheers Derek! delete his name before publication please .

Tinsel trained

“We once had to sort out some tinsel which had got wrapped around a stepladder as a Christmas tree was being decorated, but nothing prepared us for this.”

Very small person looking at very large WW2 naval mine found on their High Street.

Pasty policing

“Fortunately we had some trainees turning up for assessment so we sent them to deal with it while we got some extra pasties from the bakers in Wapping Lane and ate them at a safe distance,” continued the anonymous officer.

A Cornish pasty

Reports by local residents that numerous MPU officers were seen donning full diving rig and shades before sitting in the van and eating their pasties so they looked extra cool have been denied.

“One of the trainees had just served 10 years as an Ammunition Technical Officer in the Army and despite her saying she was not trained to deal with baubles she did a great job. No idea why she had to tow it out to sea and detonate though.”

Large Christmas bauble on another beach somewhere

Bauble blueprint roadmap

Tower Hamlets Council has announced the publication of a blueprint for Large Christmas Baubles roadmap under the guidance of Large Bauble Tsar Cllr. Abdal Ullah.

Once the bauble blueprint roadmap is published Cllr. Ullah will conduct a ‘bauble blueprint roadmap walkabout’ on the foreshore.

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