80% probability of Level 2 heatwave on Tuesday – cardigan sales plummet

There is an 80 % probability of heatwave conditions between 09.00 Monday and 21.00 on Tuesday in London with temperatures expected to reach 31 degrees centigrade – or 88 degrees fahrenheit in old money.

Artists impression of Watney Market tomorrow morning.
Artists impression of Watney Market tomorrow morning.

According to an official statement by Tower Hamlets Council this means that ‘London will be very warm’.*

We repeat – very warm.

Full details can be found on the Met Office Heat-health watch site – unless the interwebs have melted by the time you read this.

In contrast Sylhet will be a relatively chilly 25 degrees centigrade but with heavy rain.

Artists impression of Shadwell Basin by week end (with apologies to residents of Jaflong, Sylhet)
Artists impression of Shadwell Basin by week end (with apologies to residents of Jaflong, Sylhet)

For those residents of Tower Hamlets who had no idea that ‘heatwaves’ in the UK are worth categorising here are the official levels.

Heat-health watch vigilance states

Level 1 Green — Summer preparedness and long-term planning

Level 2 Yellow — Alert and readiness

Level 3 Amber — Heatwave action

Level 4 Red — National Emergency

While these levels have been determined by a select group of meteorologists many borough residents think they need to be readjusted to more accurately reflect the British attitude to sunshine.

Artists impression of Wapping Lane on Tuesday
Artists impression of Wapping Lane on Tuesday

Stiff-upper-lip-heat-health watch vigilance states

Level 1 Green — Quite decent weather for a change

Level 2 Yellow — Two consecutive days of decent weather

Level 3 Amber — “I say chaps, this is alright innit?”

Level 4 Red — Seriously consider asking friends round for a barbecue but best to hold off a bit in case heat wave is reclassified downwards.

Sensible AND stylish.
Sensible AND stylish.

All male residents are reminded to wear sensible socks should they consider sporting sandals during the warm weather as illustrated above.

* Seriously  – we don’t make this stuff up. 


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