Community news and investigative journalism for Wapping E1W and Tower Hamlets London

Wapping squirrel wins Labour leadership contest

By on September 12, 2015 in News

Wapping squirrel won the Labour leadership contest today in a victory described as ‘completely nuts’.

Determined squirrel after nuts

New Leader of Labour party – Wapping Squirrel

Commenting on his (or her) victory Wapping squirrel gave an outline of future Labour party policies, most of which seem to be nuts.

“I would just like to thank all those on the left of the Nutty Nuts party who spent £3 to buy a leadership vote. Your donation is both nuts and sensible at the same time.

My main task will be to dream up lots of ideas which are nuts to the core and see what happens to them. I don’t really care as long as the ideas are genuinely nutty.

First priority will be to order all our armed forces to lay down their arms and start gathering nuts.

Our nuclear submarines will have all those nasty missiles removed and nuts will be stored in the empty rocket tubes. The submarines will then cruise round the coast dispensing nuts to any squirrels who are a bit peckish.

We don’t have a second policy but if we did it would probably be nuts too.”

Shirley Surely Squirrel, Head of Resources

It’s all nuts.


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